If anyone hears my tiny voice amongst the massive Information Blob in the internet . You have come to the right place to hear about God’s great saving power.
Where my seeking heart poured out my voice and reached the heavens and the heavenly father has responded. Yes,,I see Life differently now..
LIFE is now a leisure lake for me to swim in; as my Life depends entirely on him - The father almighty.
Let’s take A little dip into faith.
I was in the kitchen cutting vegetables ..helping my mother in preparing breakfast and all my thoughts were chained in one direction – How do I do it ?? .. There was a massive task in front of me…Seeing LIFE for the first time at the closest where the onus for everything was directly on me and my brother.
Being a Christian I somehow had that shallow faith that the LORD will make it happen. But being a person who works in the corporate I just needed a Concrete plan. I believe the word JUST is over exaggerated in my previous statement considering all the hardships we had been through in the year 2013 & 2014 .
It seemed as if I had to stand and deliver in LIFE and nothing short of that was acceptable .. as one step short would mean like crashing down..
It was a perfect situation of man v/s Tide.
I will tell you a little about what the years were :
The Lord took my father in December 2013.I just could not comprehend, did not know how to react as I was caught up in my own world of working hard and became thick skinned as all my thoughts before that fateful day was about going abroad and advancing in career. As a result I really could not react to my father’s death.. I was there but there was little I could do to save my father. Please don’t get me wrong.. I ensured dad was in hospital and got treatment with all my strength but I did not take up his health issue as a top priority when there was time some months before ..thinking that he was recovering and God will take care of him without putting in my full efforts ..
Then what ensured after that was Chaos/confusion and more confusion to a point that Bad days had no end.
My brother being more compassionate and caring than I am took good care of my father.. Since he had taken care of my father before shifting to Chennai for a job..I was not so conscious about my father’s degrading heath and eventually God took him from suffering into his own hands..
I felt bad for many things and eventually hated myself..
1. Why did I not do what I had to do as a son and take care of my father.
2. My father trusted me so much that at before his passing away he said that he had no worries of me and I could take care of myself in LIFE. At that point I had no clue of what was to come shortly afterwards….
3. After my dad went to heaven I continued working with zeal in the JOB..although not happily, but I put efforts again in work…I was selfish I think ; Mad…and really went on in with the demands of LIFE…
4. Even then, thoughts came about progressing in LIFE about a career jump etc…rather I should have dropped all worldly plans and just tried to move slowly in LIFE.
5. Many tasks came into my hands as my brother was caught up in Chennai and I had to handle it.
My Mom had to undergo Cataract surgery, She had developed high Blood pressure, She had to undergo Physiotherapy shortly afterwards , we had to do some transactions involving huge amount amongst all the emotional turmoil , one family friend cheated us of a huge amount of rupees, my mother was emotionally affected by her own brother’s behavior. He lived just a stone’s walk from our house but he discouraged my mother from going to their house when I was at work and when she was alone during the day by not behaving in a consoling manner. Apart from this my brother got a job back in Mumbai but one day before coming to Mumbai he met with a Bike accident and was saved by God’s grace. My mother’s eye on which the cataract surgery was done was accidently injured. My knee was dislocated, Meanwhile we got news that some villagers had occupied two of our Lands. All of this happened when my father had dreamt that in next few months we will be going to Native place to settle down..So even his dreams were not materialized. And the last we missed our flight to go to native place from Mumbai on our dad’s 1st year anniversary … And to add a final touch I almost lost my Job as I was released from a project in which I was working.
I was furious at the Lord. And even abused him many times. (Forgive me Lord)
The reason being…I had trusted him before my dad passed away .. Let’s pitch back to a few months before my dad passed away as to why I trusted him and left his health completely into God’s hands.
The mornings used to be happy and holy. I used to sleep till about 6:30 am after coming late at night and working hard. But my mom and dad used to wake up at about 5:30am go for morning walk .. come back ..immediately turn on a Channel in which God’s preachings were aired. There used to be Godly music played in the channel ..I could almost everyday see my mom and dad reading the bible together. I used to happily leave the house to work as I could see both of them happy. I was contented.
I knew there was a humongous task in front of my dad as he had planned in settling down at native place. But I was confident that everything that seemed impossible like me changing my Job location and adjusting to a new environment will be possible by God’s love on us. He would do it for us.
But everything crashed.. God changed the plans.
I became a pessimistic about everything. I wanted to hate everything and everyone.. People who mattered to us before started behaving weirdly and selfishly and used to jeer and mock as if we were now totally destroyed. Some were even happy that such thing happened to my mother.
I was reluctant to do many things as task after task after task after task was burdened on me…I was emotionally burdened .. physically burdened to take care of mother, do many household tasks.. handle my Job(I really did not like to work but I had to do that ..)Somehow I was so over exhausted that occasionally I used to feel a slight pain on the left side ..like a physical piercing pain in my heart.. But did not have time to go to doctor as I was afraid it may reveal something severe medically and give additional burden.
I had to stand up..which I decide to do and eventually did.. But where is the time to mourn for the loss of my father?...I really did not have time..I had to put every iota of my thoughts into coming out of this mess .That is , I had to solve the practicalities of LIFE like..getting my mother treated….settling down in native place..getting married and see LIFE a few years ahead and plan accordingly.
In short I had no time for an emotional outburst which I really want to since I want to cry out and feel…I just didn’t want to get over it….I really want my father back.. I lost him!!! Now only one practical option remains.. to see him in heaven when I am gone.(I personally don’t like it since I want to see him happy in his retired LIFE ).I want him here on earth with me..
Coming back to reality.. Somehow a year passed ..GoD worked his miracles through these tough and rough times.. Firstly My mother got a bit emotionally stable. One of our relatives stood up with us though this tough phase and by Gods grace he is helping us in many ways (he too is a strict catholic like us..God bless him)..and I almost lost my Job. Now how is that good??
I feel it is good because it was that Job that caused me to give priority to career..maybe I could have been more diligent in treating my dad.
I did take care of my dad in many ways but every doctor we went to could not help my father with all the side effects that he was experiencing.. May be it was Gods plan.
Now as of January 2015 I am writing this testimony to you wherein I am losing my Job and at this rate if I were to stay without a software project in my company, I will be eventually asked to leave the company. This is the Current status.
But we’ll see how God changes it..
Let’s backtrack to the scene of my narration where I was in the kitchen cutting vegetables……
I am thinking of the near future and pacifying myself ..
A thought says: It will become all right !!!
But suddenly another contradicting thought comes to my mind: But how to do it? What if things go wrong in Chennai (My Native place where my father wanted to settle down)….I have heard in Chennai robbers are ruthless in stealing.. It is not safe for my mother.
Another thought says: We have time but we need a plan..
Another thought says: We have enough material possessions it’s just a matters of executing it ,.
Another thought says: Should I buy a house in Chennai.. But I don’t have enough money for that..
Another thought says: How is LIFE going to be…?
And in this manner I am getting discouraged and confused all along the way..(Devil wants us to be remain in fear and loose hope)
Suddenly out of this confusion. I hear a voice in my conscience in a comforting and the most assuring manner : My Son! You just go. I will lead the way..(I have not given the exact words as I was overjoyed to an extends that I did not register them in my memory).It was the most assuring voice I heard and I can bet that my brain can’t thing postives like this when I am already into some serious thinking.. Yes..It was God’s voice..
And immediately my brain was able to pick up the waves and a scene of Moses leading the children of Egypt under the clear open light blue skies was created in my mid…My brain immediately thought ..Moses was too given a tough task.. He had an entire army to take out.. Did not know where to go ..He could easily have been worried like I was.. But he had immense and extreme confidence in the LORD that was unshakable come what may…The task and troubles are nothing in front of the LORD..
I became very relieved and happy and light hearted and cheerful that morning that I felt so light that I immediately started praying and praising the Lord..I can’t describe it. You got to feel it to know it.
*All that I remember that I was quiet at that time and God heard my fears and worries. Remember God talks when you are quiet.. That is why morning time is the right time to pray.. since you are fresh from bed and you mind is thoughtless.
I say to you my dear friend ..the Bible is a living word .. When you read it; it might seem like a History text book.. like recounting incidents that happened long long ago..
But remember ,it is relevant and the words and quotes that the LORD used to help his children (Moses,Job,….)out of harms way in the bible will be used to speak to you so that you know when the LORD is speaking to you.. In my case God told the words of leading the way for me and taking complete ownership of my problems.
When the Lord speaks you will feel as if you are comforted. If any of you reading this happens to be a practical and scientific thinker, you will be tempted to think that the brain is releasing some Alpha waves which is motivating you.. It is not that it- It is stronger than those thoughts..
Loose yourself when that happens.. Don’t think ; just let the emotions flow.. Cause when God touches you by the power of the holy spirit sometime people get the gift of tongues..or the gift of tears…Some begin to cry, some become Overjoyed.. I became overjoyed ..
This is THE PROMISE that the Lord gave only to you..
This is the first level.. where you have prayed to him and he has listened your prayers and he also has expressed it for you..
The second level is FAITH… This is what counts…(And for the Non-believers this is the differentiating point between practical thinking and miracles happening.. Beyond this point all practical thought and efforts spend in any direction is useless and a mere waste )
Yes FAITH..is what takes you there ..like where Moses reached to the safest and farthest point where pharaoh’s men could not reach .
What is FAITH then ?? FAITH is where no logic applies.. If you try to apply logic then you just lost the charm of it. The gift that was your way won’t come to you…It is revoked..(Pls correct me if I am wrong about the revoking part since I speak from my experience)..
I believe faith is what convinces God that you wholeheartedly trust him..
I will give you example of how to apply faith in the below narration.
Faith is something you need to apply ..even if you get distracted and are not convinced.
I have highlighted the word Apply since Faith means to apply God’s love and promise without trusting your instincts and logic.
Just do what the Lord commands no interruption and interpretation from your side is expected !!!
In my case what was God’s promise? .. It was that he will lead the way..
Coming back to the same day in the morning…
I am overjoyed now .. I went to office and spent the day reading through mails and I got information that there is a Walkin Interview that’s happening on the very next day i.e a Saturday.
Usually I had bad experiences in Walkin interviews. I have attended numerous of walkins..Failed badly and strongly believed I need someone to set me up in the company to get selected.. So it was a very faint opportunity of getting selected. But I need that job badly as I was about to loose my job.
Anyways I walked into the interview venue on the next day and God begins to give me symptoms of his presence . – I was confident that morning. I checked in as candidate number 12 into the office which is one of my lucky numbers. I was called first to give my interview. The person taking my interview did not seem so professional or intimidating nor did he seem very learned or did he seem negative. He seemed very normal in normal clothes and was average looking by appearance which indeed boosted my confidence and I gave the best shot in God’s given strength.
Second round also went well that the interviewer almost told me I was selected. I walked out of the venue happy and contended.
Two days passed no sign of a call or confirmation that I am selected. I am waiting patiently with confidence in the Lord’s promise ..In our two day’s morning prayers we had this intention of JOB for me .
Nothing happened yet. So I started thinking hard trying to get any way to find if I am in the job or not. I suddenly remembered a colleague from my office also had attended the interview on Saturday and she too had cleared two rounds. So I started to think if I should ask her if she got any confirmation about the job for her. I was so desperate
Immediately I got a message from God in my mind. Trust the LORD.
This meant I should not ask her for any clue or try any logical ways to know about the Job. Which will imply that I am not trusting the Lord and trying to desperately get the information.
So I went to office as usual. Again the devil strikes back and I went to meet her and to ask her.
Before I was to talk to her again this message clearly is played in my mind repeatedly to trust God. So confidently I walked back and never asked her and waited patiently in Lord’s promise.
.On the third day too we lit candles and prayed specially for this intention. Within two hours before I was to leave for job that day I got a mail from the company asking me to submit document to process the JOB offer. (Praise the LORD!!!)
Today as I write this testimony I am waiting to get the final Job Offer letter yet. But I am trusting the Lord it will happen and I am least worried now.
Coming back to other problems to solve for my family.. Now I believe God has stepped into our Lives. He will take over.. I whole heartedly believe that too. And I KNOW he will time to time give me messages in my conscience to take the right decisions and steps provided I keep my soul clean.
I am writing this as I still have one favor to ask God.. that he show me a VISION of my dad in heaven.. After that in LIFE I will not ask anything no more.. Praise be to God .
I am writing this testimony so that the LORD will speak to YOU somehow.. You just have to be tuned in and raise your troubles unto him..He chooses channels to talk to you depending upon your personality and strength of your belief:
- For people like me , who like to be time and again reminded of God’s love.. and who wants to convince myself that God really exists ..God uses Your conscience to talk to you..
- For people that still don’t’ know about Jesus or even heard about him.. he will appear to him .
- For people who are innocent he will protect them.
My advice- Stay tuned always as God constantly speaks to you through your conscience everywhere you go and in everything that you do.
Praise be to GOD. Praise be to Jesus.